Many people believe that we should know what their needs are, and fulfill them. Without communicating their needs directly. They believe that magically guessing, and fulfilling needs is a sign of love. And, failure to perform this paranormal accomplishment means the other person doesn’t care, or love them. This thinking is very common. It’s also crazy and ruins relationships.
In truth, the expectation that another person guesses my needs, and fulfills them, signals a lack of assertiveness, and self-knowledge. Communicating our needs clearly, directly, and without shame, is the mark of psychological fitness. It’s risky. It demands emotional fortitude. That’s why is rare. But, the rewards are great.
Clear communication of needs between people leads to the elimination of unrealistic expectations. Opens the way to understanding, and sincere compromises that don’t become resentments. The result is harmonious companionship.
Imagine a relationship in which:
Each person knows, and is secure, in what they want.
They know what their needs are.
They know exactly what the other wants in order to feel loved, to feel desired, and feel a sense of companionship. No guessing. No games.
Such a relationship would be founded on openness and sincerity. Each person would know how to please the other. No hit and miss. No misunderstandings. No resentments
Direct. Open. Fresh.
Want one?
It all starts with you discovering who you are, and what you really want. Developing the emotional fortitude to share it. Share what you want, what you stand for, what you are willing to compromise on, and the things that would be hurtful to compromise on.
Then you can share yourself courageously, and in the process find someone, or inspire someone, to do the same with you. What a joy!
The right therapy will take you to this self-knowledge and courage. The work is hard at times —but the reward is true fulfillment.